The venue was beyond packed. Moshers crowded by the stage in their perpetually morphing blob of bodies. Oliver pushed out of the pit and started making his way to the bar. He passed by the people who weren’t brave enough to jump into the chaos but still wanted to dance. They hung towards the back of the floor. The ones who only had interest in the music itself were seated or standing around the bar. The bar. That was Oliver’s target. He needed a shot of something and maybe a Red Bull. The band started playing one of his favorite songs and before escaping the crowd completely, he found himself dancing along.
A flash of a woman wearing a pink floral shirt drew Oliver’s attention, and his head instantly whipped around to find her. As he moved through the crowd, he watched her seashell hair accessories clink. That knitted skirt, the long mahogany hair. It had to be her. Without thinking much of it, he was moving through the crowd and getting closer. One more step and he could gently tap her shoulder.
“Maelys?”
The girl turned around, but she was all wrong. It wasn’t her. The stranger stared back at him confused, and it took him a minute to register that he owed her an explanation.
“Oh. Sorry. Thought you were someone else.”
She looked him over and brought her eyes back up to his face.
“That’s okay. You look dope either way. How’d you get the orange in your hair to be so bright?”
He appreciated that the girl seemed interested in him, but staring at a Maelys look alike was weirding him out. She was missing those sharp lapis color eyes that always drew him into something of a trance. That image remained clear even after all this time.
“Just some random shit I found at the dollar store. Don’t even remember the name. I’ll probably see you later in the crowd though, I actually really have to pee.”
Before she could reply, Oliver turned around and quickly walked to an empty bar stool hoping to blend into it all. He ordered a shot of rum and a Red bull. While he waited for the drinks, Oliver pulled out his phone and scrolled down the contact list until his finger hovered over her name. He should call her.
The clink of the shot glass on the counter snapped Oliver out of whatever rabbit hole he had been seconds away from diving into. He downed it, grabbed the can and headed outside for some fresh air. Cracking the drink open, Oliver leaned against the wall. He should call her. The clock read 3:20am. It would only be around midnight in California. The shot had given him confidence. He hit her name on his phone and listened to it ring.
“Oliver?”
“Hi, Maelys. I hope I’m not interrupting anything.” He could hear music blasting in the background. She must’ve been out tonight too.
“No, I’m actually glad you called. I’m at this club, but I really wanted a joint. Now I have an excuse to step out and spark up. Give me a second.”
Maelys nuzzled the phone between her shoulder and neck and smoothly glided between the packed bodies until she was outside. The warm night air greeted her kindly, and she breathed in slowly. There was no wind which was perfect, so she slid onto the ground in a cross legged position and put the phone on speaker before sparking her joint.
Oliver listened to the lighter flick from the other end and decided he could no longer bear her silence.
“So, you’re still in Cali?”
“Yeah. I hated it at first, if I’m being honest. I missed New York a lot, but the last two years have been such a journey. I finally found my groove, so Malibu is home. At least for now.” Maelys inhaled the smoke and let her head fall against the wall behind her as she waited for Oliver’s voice to rise from the phone that now rested on her thigh.
“Sounds difficult. I hate the idea of moving somewhere abruptly, but I’m sure you find things to love little by little.” Oliver was pacing outside the venue with a tight grip on his Red Bull. He was doing everything in his power to come off nonchalant, but really he had nothing to say to her. Why had he called?
“So what are you doing now? I’m surprised I haven’t seen your photographs on billboards already. You still doing that?” Maelys’ voice held just enough genuine curiosity that Oliver could forget his worries and talk about himself comfortably, knowing she actually wanted to hear it.
“I’ve been off and on with the photography. I bartended for a while at some of the spots my favorite local bands played at. I’m trying to get my foot back in the creative world though.”
Maelys sparked her lighter again and relit her joint. She looked at the stars in the sky and listened to the hum of the music that still poured from inside the club.
“Why did you call me Oliver?” She hated small talk. Better to dig into it than sit in that uncomfortable silence.
Oliver froze. Why had he called? He asked himself this very question earlier and still had no answer. Maybe he was thinking too deeply. He just got reminded of her today, that’s all.
“Well I was at this concert, and I saw a girl that looked like you…” he started, but suddenly felt awkward. He chugged the rest of his drink and crushed the can. Before he could speak more, he heard Maelys exhale some smoke and chuckle softly.
“Really? What was she wearing?”
“A long knitted skirt and a light pink top.”
“That’s actually pretty freaky. I’m wearing a matching knitted two piece maxi skirt and crop top. It’s also pink. Floral though, of course.”
“Woah. That’s trippy actually.”
“So that’s all? You called me because some girl wore something I would wear at a concert?”
Oliver finally stopped pacing and sat on the curb in front of the venue. Maelys always had a carefree energy to her, but something about the lackluster way she was talking now was on the verge of a cruel indifference.
“I’m that bothersome, Maelys?”
She rolled her eyes and took another quick pull before sitting up. She could tell this conversation was about to take a turn from random small talk to something more serious. It always did with Oliver.
“Why do things always have to be monotonous or dramatic with you? It’s so polarizing. You call me with this boring small talk, and when I question your intentions, you get upset.”
“I’m not upset! You just don’t sound like you give a fuck.”
Maelys shrugged at Oliver through the phone before speaking. “Well it’s not like we left on good terms. You calling me randomly is just a bit unexpected. After two years this is the best you got? Asking if I’m still in Cali?”
“You should be lucky I care at all considering Malibu is the reason we aren’t together anymore.” Oliver watched the cars go by, feeling his body get warmer and warmer. No one could bring this out of him like her. He tossed the crumpled can across the road.
“Let’s not rehash this. I made a choice to take the research job because it was the best opportunity in marine biology that I would get. Living and working on the water every day was a dream of mine since I was young. Nothing was going to stop me from making it a reality. Not even you.”
“Okay, but you could’ve told me instead of catching me off guard the day before graduation. We could’ve tried to make it work. Maybe I could’ve moved or-”
Maelys shook her head as she blew out smoke. “Don’t go there. We can’t change what happened. We just have to move on.” She knew her words were hurting him, but she had always been one to speak the truth.
“I can’t Lys. Every time I try to move on and date someone new, you haunt me. You invade my thoughts and dreams. You show up whenever I’m with someone else because I feel like our story wasn’t over. It isn’t over. Maybe that’s why I called you.” The alcohol and caffeine racing through his blood, gave Oliver a bravery he rarely ever had. His voice choked up at the end, but still, he felt good letting that out.
Hearing the raw emotion in Oliver’s voice caused a sharp pain in Maelys’ chest. She smashed her joint into the ground and rested her back against the wall once more. She sighed. Of course she had thought of what she left behind, but she could never let the feelings linger too long. Oliver should do the same.
“You were wrong to hang on to me. I can’t prioritize love or romance. I want a peaceful and free life, and being in a long term relationship always inhibited me from that. You’re an amazing guy Oliver, and our relationship was so needed in that phase of my life. It hurt like hell to let you go. I almost couldn’t do it. That’s why I waited so long to tell you about my research in Malibu. Truthfully, you deserve someone who can give you the same intensity. I don’t think that someone is me.”
Oliver wanted to believe it. He really did. He stood up and began the walk towards his house.
“You there?” Her voice floated up from the phone. It was crazy how she could go from sounding like she had no care in the world for him to a siren, pulling him deeper into his own delusions and hopes for them. He had to snap out of this.
“You’re right. There’s so much more I could be doing than worrying about the past.”
“Exactly. I’m just a nerd obsessed with the water. Honestly, I think I connect with animals and the sea more than humans.”
Maelys was more comfortable now that the conversation had cooled down. Breaking Oliver’s heart once was enough guilt for the rest of her life.
“You know what? I actually feel that so heavy. When I was at the height of my creative streak, all my art felt like my children or some shit. I wanted to shelter them from the world and its cruelty. I guess I sheltered too much because now no one sees any of it.”
As he walked down the mostly empty streets, Oliver observed the city. The graffiti on the walls. The stickers with cool art or striking quotes plastered on ancient mailboxes and walls. The drunken strangers that stumbled by every couple of blocks. He had an urge to capture this odd beauty.
“And it’s a real shame. You’re so talented.”
“The flattery won’t save you now, Lys.”
She giggled on the other end and Oliver couldn’t help but laugh too. She was always so infectious in everything. Almost nothing had changed, but at the same time, everything had.
“I’m serious. If there was a way for me to get my research published and seen by people all over the world I would do it in a flash. Even if I had to leave Malibu and chase the dream.”
Maelys paused for a minute to light her joint up again and take a long drag before exhaling and continuing with her thought.
“That’s what you’re missing in your art: the willingness to risk it all, leap over the cliff. You play it safe. Aren’t you a punk or whatever? Where’s the sense of danger, the craving for freedom?”
He didn’t even hesitate in responding. Maelys had the gift of pulling the thoughts he used all his energy to keep down, right up to the surface.
“Holding on to the past kept me weighed down. I couldn’t move. Talking to you makes me actually want to let go. I need to chase this passion with everything I got.”
Maelys smiled. It hurt that Oliver moving on meant there would likely be no future conversations between the two of them. Still, she smiled because he deserved that ability to be successful. She knew he would. She remembered how obsessed she had been with his photographs in college. Oliver saw the world differently and not just because his height gave him a good view, but because those brown eyes soaked all of it in. Life.
Even when he would photograph her, Maelys always looked like a sea goddess, a mermaid, the ocean itself. It was like he could see inside of her very being.
“I’m happy for you Ollie. I’ll be waiting to pick up a magazine in the near future and see your name inside of it.”
“And I look forward to watching the news one day and hearing that you made a breakthrough in marine research and discovered a magical, underground portal or something.”
They both bursted into laughter for a few short seconds. It was Maelys who brought it back.
“Well, my joint is out, so I’m going to head back in. I’m glad we spoke.”
“Me too.”
“Take care, okay? Bye.”
“Bye Maelys.”
And that was it. The line clicked and she was gone. By then, Oliver had reached his apartment building. He sat on the steps and looked at his surroundings. The 24 hour deli across the street shone brightly. A man walked out of the store with a cigarette to his mouth. He lit it as he walked away. The trees rustled softly with the wind, and it sounded almost musical. Oliver took out his phone and began capturing the night scene from as many angles as he could achieve on those steps.
When Maelys hung up, she lingered outside for a few minutes. She daydreamed about traveling the world for research conventions and panels. She imagined the little boat she might live on and how it would take her anywhere she wanted but always be the same inside, like a grounding rock. For a moment she pictured Oliver there, with all his dark colors and chains and chunky boots. She saw him taking pictures on the deck while she swam nearby. Maybe he would even take some of her.
Maelys knew this was the closest she would ever get to a real future with a lover: right here, in her mind, on this random night. She let the dream rise out of her like mist and float into the clouds. Without much more thought on it, Maelys went back into the club, ordered a drink, found her friends and danced until the sun and the moon finally traded places.